theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
