Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love you. Go after that dick
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