Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize