At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
