She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
