Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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