You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
