All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
