We won't sleep together?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
