where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Two words: blizzard sex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
