She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
