I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
