The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
