his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize