By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
