i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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