Ambien. No doubt about it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize