At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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