Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
