Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
