dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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