I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
