uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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