My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
