there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
