Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize