i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
