I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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