I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
