her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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