how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
