Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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