we're chasing vodka with high fives
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
