she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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