My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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