Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize