I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
