she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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