Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
