Already got asked if we're dating
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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