is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize