The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
