I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sarcasm needs its own font
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
