Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
