Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
