I bet he comes in French.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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