and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
