dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
