8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
