This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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