i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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