Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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