So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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