im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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