i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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