Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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