My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
