Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
