I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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