i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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