He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
