I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
