If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
