We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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