you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
