she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
is wine microwaveable?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
