at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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