Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So squirting runs in the family.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
