i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
