Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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