the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
