i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
