dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
