Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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