omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
